Catalyst (Connectivity Book 2) Page 16

  Travis nodded against Jersey’s head, not answering verbally. He didn’t want to break Jersey’s train of thought or his little confessional.

  “When you called me Michael,” Jersey pulled back slightly and glanced up at Travis, “I almost forgot… That’s who I really am. I’m really Michael Thomas Fitzpatrick, a gay boy whose dad kicked him out when he was thirteen.” He looked back down at his lap and clasped his hands together, wiggling his toes in the blanket. “I’ve always told Josh that I was bi-curious, but I don’t really think I am. I guess some part of me was always trying to hold onto the thought that, maybe one day, if I found the right girl, I could be straight. That maybe my dad would like me again. That I could erase all the things he said to me and about me that night.” Travis squeezed his guy tighter, hating all that Jersey's father had made him feel. “But that's not who I am. I've never even looked twice at girls. It definitely explains why I've been with the men I've been with, though.”

  Travis had to agree. He’d suspected as much after hearing both parts of Jersey’s confession—that he’d been kicked out by his dad and that he’d only been with older men. Jersey was most likely trying to gain approval and acceptance from any man that would give it to him.

  “When we moved here,” Jersey continued. “I didn’t like who I was. Michael Fitzpatrick was a queer faggot who would never be anything and had no father. He was the reason my life had gone to shit. When I first started school, people teased me because of my accent and the way I said things. I was angry at being singled out and whispered about, so I started making Jersey my alter ego. If I could embrace the thing people were talking about, and use it against them, forcing them to acknowledge that part of me as who I was, then they wouldn’t see the other parts of me that were so disgusting and perverted I hardly deserved to live.” Jersey shuddered and Travis lowered his head, nuzzling into Jersey’s neck and hair, wanting to be as close as possible to his hurting boyfriend.

  Travis couldn’t even imagine a world like that. His family life had been the polar opposite to what Jersey had had. Although Susan and his grandparents were more than supportive of who Jersey was, having someone as important as your father tell you you were a filthy perverted piece of garbage was something Travis just couldn’t wrap his head around. How could anyone reject their own child, their flesh and blood, and more specifically, the flesh and blood Travis cradled so tenderly in his lap? He felt the prick of tears in his own eyes and took a deep breath, bringing Jersey’s comforting scent into his lungs.

  After a few minutes of silence that they probably both needed, Jersey whispered his words, turning his head into Travis’s neck.

  “Do you think?” he paused, then cleared his throat, his voice a little unsteady. “Do you think you could like me if I was Michael Fitzpatrick? I have no idea who that person is because as far as I’m concerned, he died when he was thirteen. He’s got a lot of years of living to make up for, but do you think you could help him figure out who he is? Could you maybe, like him, and tell him it’s okay to be who he is?”

  Tears spilled down Travis’s cheeks as he nodded, and he felt moisture drip down onto his collarbone. He squeezed Jersey, hating that he was crying too, but, he couldn’t help but wonder if the moment was also therapeutic in a way. It was so heartbreaking to hear Jersey struggling with the two parts of himself and trying to figure out how to meld those two parts into the one person he was supposed to be. There was no reason that a young boy coming into his own and figuring out who he was, should have been told all the vile things he was told and made to believe who he was was wrong; to the point that he hated that person and tried to turn himself into someone who could be likable, or even loveable, neglecting the person he’d been born to be.

  “I think I could like you, no matter who you were, babe. If you want to be Jersey or Michael or Kimberly or an alien,” Travis kissed Jersey’s neck, “I think I could like you.”

  Jersey nodded but neither of them spoke again for several minutes.

  Travis unwrapped himself from Jersey and helped his boyfriend stand up. He looked at his fragile boy and wiped away his tears. Taking a tender hold of Jersey’s neck and jaw, Travis traced his thumb along Jersey’s cheekbone. He leaned down and pressed a series of soft kisses to Jersey’s lips, nose, cheeks, and eyelids, nuzzling into the side of Jersey’s head.

  When he pulled back he walked over to the bedroom door and shut it, then turned off the light and walked back over to Jersey. He could still see relatively well since it wasn’t dark out yet, and he reached down and grasped the hem of Jersey’s shirt and drew it up and over his head. He grabbed his boyfriend's hand and tugged him to follow him into the bathroom.

  Travis didn’t turn on the light, even though the bathroom was a bit darker than the bedroom. There was still adequate light to see well enough.

  Leaving Jersey standing in the center of the room, Travis moved over and started the water in the large bathtub, then looked around for something to add to the water. Not seeing anything right off, he grabbed Jersey’s body wash and squirted a generous amount into the swirling water. He checked the temperature one more time, then adjusted it to make the water a bit warmer.

  Jersey watched as Travis shut and locked the bathroom door; even though the bedroom door was closed, it made the bathroom feel more private. Travis pulled out his phone from his pocket and turned on some music, then set his phone on the counter. When he returned to his boyfriend, he lifted the hem of his own shirt and discarded the item off to the side. Then he went for the button on his shorts and lowered them, tossing them to join his shirt.

  Not wanting the moment to be about anything sexual, Travis kept his underwear on, knowing he had a spare packed in his overnight bag.

  He unbuttoned Jersey’s shorts and helped him get them off, then tossed them aside to join Travis’s small pile by the sink. He looked at his boyfriend’s pale, petite frame, in just his red briefs, and took in all the little details he could in the dim light. Jersey was definitely beautiful to look at, with just the right amount of muscle tone and definition to make Travis want to explore his body with his tongue, however, he contented himself with just looking, knowing more touching and exploration would come another time.

  When his eyes finally returned to Jersey’s face, he noticed Jersey’s eyes roaming over his own body. He smiled softly to himself, knowing his guy found him attractive.

  Giving Jersey another moment to look his fill, when their gazes met, Travis leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to Jersey’s lips, then took his hand and guided him over to the bathtub.

  Travis held Jersey’s hand as he encouraged him to step into the water, and carefully, Travis stepped in behind him.

  The water was pretty warm and came up to Travis’s shins but the temperature wasn’t uncomfortable. He shifted slightly and then sat down, leaning against the back of the tub. He held out his hand in invitation for Jersey to join him. Jersey looked down at him with some expression on his face that Travis had never seen before. His hair hung loosely, brushing the tops of his shoulders and framing his face, as his eyes caressed Travis’s skin.

  As the water climbed higher in the tub, Travis felt his heart beat a little faster at the possible meaning behind Jersey’s expression.

  Finally, Jersey turned and shut off the faucet then slipped his hand into Travis’s, sinking down into the bubble-filled water. Combined, their mass made the water in the tub rise higher, and as Jersey scooted back, pressing his back against Travis’s chest, the water gently lapped just below Jersey’s shoulders. Travis drew his guy into him, wrapping his arms around his warm and sensual figure.

  Neither of them were aroused, so when Jersey settled into Travis’s lap, he had no reason to be embarrassed over Jersey’s butt being so close to him.

  Both of their legs extended out toward the drain and Jersey used his pinky toe to rub slow strokes against Travis’s ankle. He threaded the fingers of his left hand with Travis’s over his stomach and used his other hand
to bring Travis’s right hand up to his neck. Travis reverently wrapped his fingers around Jersey’s throat and could feel the pounding of his pulse under his fingertips. Leaning his head back against Travis’s shoulder, Jersey closed his eyes and held onto Travis’s right forearm with his right hand.

  The soft melody of an acoustic guitar filled the room, and the comforting aroma of Jersey’s familiar, clean scent enveloped Travis. He turned his head and nuzzled into Jersey’s hair, pressing a kiss to his ear, and the feel of his boyfriend in his arms settled something inside him.

  Maybe it was his innate sense of providing care and comfort, having grown up in the way that he had, or maybe it was his innate sense of how to handle Jersey, but whatever it was, he felt a newfound attachment to his boyfriend for trusting in him and in the moment.

  They needed this time together. They needed to trust in each other and take comfort in knowing the other boy would be there if they needed him. And Travis would be there for Jersey. He’d do whatever he could to make his boyfriend feel at ease and cared for. Because despite what Jersey’s father had told him years ago, Michael Fitzpatrick was a beautiful, caring, ambitious person, who was deserving of love and all the wonderful things life had to offer.

  Jersey turned his head and Travis moved his hand down to rub across his chest. He pulled back slightly, trying to see what Jersey was looking at. He was looking back at him again, and as Travis searched Jersey’s face for some insight into his thoughts, he leaned his head in and pressed a kiss to Travis’s lips.

  Travis didn’t ask for more, only let Jersey decide what he wanted to do. But his guy pulled back before anything more happened and looked at him again.

  “Thank you,” Jersey said in a rough whisper.

  Travis nodded and Jersey settled back down, turning slightly so he was able to wrap his left hand around Travis’s right side, he rested his cheek against his collarbone and pressed his forehead into Travis’s neck. Travis used his left hand to smooth Jersey’s hair and tuck it behind his ear, then wrapped his arms securely around his boyfriend’s frame until the water became too tepid and they finally climbed out.

  With no sense of embarrassment or pressure, they both dropped their wet underwear in the sink and after a quick dry-off, Jersey grabbed Travis’s phone and hand and pulled him into the bedroom again.

  The sun had mostly gone down, but a deep orange glow could still be seen through the open balcony doors.

  Jersey stopped at his bed and rummaged through Travis’s bag, pulling out his underwear with one hand, since he still hadn’t let go of Travis’s hand. He handed the pair to Travis then tugged him over to his own dresser and again, opened his drawer one-handed to pull out a fresh pair of briefs. When they both stood by the bed again, Jersey dropped his pair on the blanket and grabbed Travis’s pair from him. He examined them for a moment and then held them out for him to step into.

  He did and allowed his guy to pull them up his legs, feeling himself respond to his boyfriend’s proximity. But whether Jersey paid any mind or not, he simply situated Travis’s underwear over him and adjusted things just so, ensuring Travis was comfortable, then slipped his own briefs on and drew back the covers. He slid in first, then held out his hand for Travis to join him.

  Perhaps Travis had a similar look on his face to the one Jersey had given him earlier, because his beautiful boy gave him a soft smile that tugged at Travis’s heart. He looked so sweet but vulnerable, or shy at the same time; the contrast doing things to Travis, he wasn’t sure could be undone.

  Not wanting to keep Jersey waiting, Travis accepted his hand and climbed in next to him, pulling the covers back across his body. Jersey shoved aside several pillows and positioned the remaining pillow under Travis’s head, coaxing him to lie down. When Travis was situated on his side facing the balcony, Jersey repositioned himself to be the little spoon. He straightened the covers and tugged them up around Travis’s neck and grabbed for his right hand, bringing it over his own waist and lacing their right-hand fingers together. Jersey rested his head on Travis’s bicep and snuggled himself back into his body.

  Travis’s heart melted a little at his boyfriend’s ministrations and desire to take care of him in return. It was a bit of a breakthrough for both of them to be able to take care of the other the way they wanted to. Without having to say goodbye for the night, they were able to act in a manner befitting true boyfriends and lovers. And even though their relationship had definitely been rocky, Travis never felt like they weren’t trying or committed to making things work. When he’d been frustrated with Jersey’s lack of communication, he hadn’t been ready to throw in the towel, he’d just figured he’d give Jersey space to sort out his own thoughts and feelings. And maybe Travis’s willingness to stick it out and help Jersey see he was worthy of being an equal partner in their relationship, had finally started to instill some trust and create the foundation they needed if they planned to make it over time. If Jersey was going away at the end of the summer, they would definitely need something stable to keep them standing strong.

  Travis kissed the back of Jersey’s head and ear and Jersey shifted to look back at him over his shoulder.

  “Good night, Travis,” Jersey murmured and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Thank you for tonight.”

  Travis nodded and kissed him again, requesting access to his mouth with his tongue. Jersey opened to him and even though the kiss deepened and Jersey shifted around to make his position more comfortable, the kiss was simply a comforting exchange and a reassurance of their feelings for each other.

  When their tender kisses slowed and Jersey snuggled his arms up into Travis’s chest, he wrapped his arm around Jersey’s back and finally whispered his own “good night” into Jersey’s ear, allowing himself to drift off, knowing things were good in his world.

  -X-

  Sunday morning, Travis woke up to a warm and snuggly boyfriend. His body was pressed up against Jersey’s, and when he cracked his eyes open, a soft light filled the room.

  “Morning,” Jersey whispered and Travis looked down to see Jersey already looking at him. Shifting a little to alleviate a certain pressure, Travis leaned in and kissed Jersey lightly on the lips. He’d never spent the night with anyone, let alone a boyfriend, but it was a welcome turn of events to wake up to the sleep-rumpled boy in his arms.

  “Morning. How’d you sleep?” Travis asked softly, blinking a little to clear his fuzzy mind.

  “Honestly?” Jersey asked. “That was probably the best and worst night I’ve ever had.”

  Travis pulled back a bit. “What do you mean?”

  Jersey looked back at him with his wide brown eyes. “No one has ever taken care of me like you did, Trav. No one has ever been so sweet and attentive and just there for me before. You listened to me and you took care of me and not in a sexual way but in a… I would say boyfriend kind of way, but I’ve had boyfriends and none of them even came close to how you handle me. But you…” Jersey trailed off, staring at Travis like he couldn’t even find the words he wanted. “You were amazing. I was out of line yesterday, being too over the top and you just… understood. You see me like no one ever has and you still wanted to stay. I’ve never been more turned on by someone, without being hard, in my life.” Jersey shook his head a little and looked away then blinked and looked back at Travis. He brought his hand up and placed it on Travis’s cheek, a similar look to the one he’d had in the bathtub the night before, graced his features. “I was probably up half the night just staring at you. I kept trying to figure out why you’d stayed, why you’d taken care of me. How you realized what I needed and how you’re so unselfish in just giving, without needing anything in return. And not to freak you out or anything, but I might really, really, like you. Like I’m kinda freaked that I might actually need you in my life, and I’m terrified that I’m going to fuck up the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  Travis pulled Jersey in close and hugged him to his chest, shushing him and rubbing calming stro
kes up and down his back. “You’re not going to lose me, babe. I know things have been kinda rocky, but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to run off, okay? I thought we had a really great talk last night. I think we both finally got some things off our chests that needed to be said and understood. And it makes me really sad that no one has ever taken the time to listen to you and understand you. I can’t explain why I seem to know how to handle you since I have no experience with relationships, but I just do what I think you need. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do or not, but it just feels right for us. And of course I’m going to take care of you. You’re my boyfriend. It’s part of the job description.”

  Jersey snorted at that. “You’d be shocked at how little that term means to some people.”

  “Well, I’m not some people. I’m your people. And your people take care of you.” Travis squeezed Jersey lightly again to emphasize his point. After a moment of silence, Travis asked something he’d thought about after their discussion the previous night. “Babe?”

  “Hmm?”

  “What would you say, or at least how would you feel, if I started to call you Michael?”

  Jersey looked up at him, a smile turning the corners of his lips. “You see? This is exactly what I’m talking about. I was thinking about that too, but I didn’t want to mention it because I’m already freakish enough. But the fact that you thought of it too, and not because you want to call me Michael, but because you feel like it would be best for me if I started thinking of myself as Michael and not Jersey, just proves my point. How do you do that? How do you know what I need?”

  Travis smiled. He watched Jersey’s eyes as they swept across the features of his face and landed on his mouth. His grin widened and then he bent his head down low, crowding into Jersey’s space. His boyfriend’s eyes flitted between his lips and his eyes. “I just know,” he breathed near Jersey’s ear and Jersey’s mouth was on his in a heartbeat.