Catalyst (Connectivity Book 2) Page 13
Without a word, Travis returned his mouth to Jersey’s and allowed him to lead the way.
Taking long slow draws from each other and using the moment to connect in a deeper way, they kissed and kissed, for a long time, simply enjoying each others proximity and the newness of their joining. And after the kisses slowed to simple nearness, they held each other close, resting on their sides, with their arms wrapped around each other, enjoying the comfort of just being together.
~
Riding in Jersey’s Beamer, Travis held his boyfriend’s hand as he drove them the fifteen minutes to where they were meeting Josh and Cory.
After their little make-out session, they’d both had missed calls from their married friends, who seemed to think they needed to be let in on whatever was going on between them. They’d both laughed as they’d realized the anticipation of not returning their missed calls would be that much more annoying to their friends, so they hadn’t bothered and as Travis guided Jersey into the parking lot, the couple was already waiting for them outside the restaurant.
“You ready to face the firing squad?” Jersey asked, looking back at him a little apprehensively.
Travis wondered why Jersey didn’t seem excited to show off their new couple status. He frowned slightly. “Are you really okay doing this? Are you worried about what Josh will say?”
Jersey looked confused. “No. I was just asking if you were ready. I’m not worried about Josh, I’m worried about you. I don’t want this to sound bad, but this is your first time going out in public with a guy. And not just some guy, but a boyfriend. We haven’t really talked about how we’re going to handle things; if we’re into PDA or if we don’t hold hands, or are we the couple that just acts like friends in public but lovers behind closed doors? And not to mention the fact that we just came out to our friends over the phone. They’re going to grill us both but you especially. I don’t want to make things weird for you, but I’m not ashamed of who I am and I would never feel the need to hide, but if you do…” he trailed off and looked out the window, settling his hand with the keys in his lap.
“Jersey,” Travis called softly, drawing his boyfriend’s attention. He leaned over and took the back of Jersey’s neck in his hand, pulling him in and meeting him over the center console. “I’m not hiding. For the first time in my life, I have someone to celebrate. Someone to show off, who I’m proud to be in a relationship with. We are not hiding. We’re doing what feels right when it feels right. And, right now, I feel like kissing you, okay?”
Jersey nodded with a small smile. He placed his hands on the center console and Travis took the last few inches of space remaining between them and kissed him, hopefully assuaging any remaining doubts he might have had about where they stood in their relationship, in and out of the public eye.
When they met at the back of the car a moment later, Jersey smiled at him and tucked his hair behind his ear. Travis found the move incredibly endearing and crowded into Jersey’s space. He pulled him in and wrapped his arms around his smaller frame, then kissed him on the shell of his ear.
“Should we go find our bros and help them run interference with Nicky?” he asked quietly.
Jersey nodded against him, giving him a squeeze. “I’ve gotta say, I’m not impressed with Cory’s bestie so far. He seems like a real d—”
“Hey, guys,” Cory called out, cutting Jersey off. Travis and Jersey pulled apart, looking up to find the man approaching with his husband. Cory and Josh both had huge grins on their faces and looked between them with obvious curiosity.
“What is this?” Josh asked, motioning to the two of them and their proximity. “We leave you guys alone for a week and all of a sudden you’re dating?”
Travis smiled wide, and both he and Jersey laughed. They exchanged hugs with the pair while still in the parking lot.
“Why don’t we go grab a table and we’ll fill you in. Do we have some time before Nick gets here?” Travis asked, grabbing Jersey’s hand.
Jersey checked his phone. “We have a few minutes unless he’s late. How about we just give you the Cliffs Notes version for now.” Everyone chuckled as they moved up to the sidewalk. “We met at your bachelor party, spent your wedding day chatting while decorating, and when we both finally admitted that we’d each had dreams about the other, we met up for lunch. It wasn’t all roses at first, but we’ve talked a lot and met each other’s families, so we’ll see what tomorrow brings.”
Travis laughed and nudged Jersey with his shoulder. “You sound so optimistic about our future, babe. You planning our demise before we get off the ground?”
Jersey smirked. “If the last few days were anything to go by, I’m not holding my breath. It’s only a matter of time before I screw up again and I pray that you’ll still be willing to stick around.”
Travis stopped just outside the entrance, which caused Jersey to falter since they were still holding hands. “Why would you say that?” he asked, looking at Jersey and feeling slightly hurt, if not also a little annoyed. Josh held the door to the restaurant open for Cory, and Travis looked over, nodding for Josh and Cory to go in so he could talk to Jersey alone. Cory and Josh slipped inside quietly and Travis led Jersey off to the side a bit so they wouldn’t be blocking the door. “Is that how you really feel?” Travis asked as Jersey looked down at the ground.
Shoving his hands in his pockets, Jersey replied with a shrug. “I haven’t exactly been easy to deal with. I know we’ve talked a little bit, but I also don’t have a great track record for boyfriends.”
“And you think just because this is new for both of us that I’m just going to dump you at the first sign of trouble?”
Glancing up at Travis, Jersey shrugged again. “I would probably dump me. To be honest, you’re sort of out of my league, and if I’m making things difficult and causing you to deal with my sordid past, who’s to say when the next thing comes up, you just decide I’m not worth it and you leave to find someone more compatible?”
“I’m to say. That’s who. I don’t like you walking around, waiting and plotting, just wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. It hurts me to think that’s how you see me and also how you see yourself. I’ve already told you that I understand about your needs and the way you’ve chosen to handle them in the past and I thought we agreed to try to be open and communicate our thoughts. You said you wouldn’t need those things anymore, but I’m certainly not going to hold it against you if you can’t just flip those things off right away. That’s all you’ve known, babe. We need to build up our trust and our relationship. We’ve only technically been dating a day unless we’re going back to Wednesday. Then it’s four days. We can hardly be expected to have it all figured out in just a few days.”
Travis brought his hand up to cup Jersey’s cheek and tilted the man’s head up so he was looking at him.
“I’m willing to work on this, Jersey. I like you. You’re the first person I’ve ever wanted to put myself out there for and the first person to make me feel anything other than indifference. I know you just said you thought I was out of your league, which is not true by the way, but it’s actually you who’s out of mine. I have zero experience with this. You’ve had boyfriends and lovers, who maybe weren’t the best, but who showed you a whole different world. I’m a bumbling jock virgin who has no idea how to act since he’s never even kissed anyone before. It certainly doesn’t speak very highly of me that the person I’m dating has so little confidence in us that he’s already planning out when I’m going to run for the hills.”
Jersey wrapped his arms around him then, hugging him tightly. “I’m sorry, Trav. You’re right.” He sighed against Travis’s chest. “I shouldn’t just go around planning for the worst.” They stood there for a moment just holding each other and when Travis pulled back, he tucked Jersey’s hair behind his ear and rubbed his thumb over his cheekbone. Leaning in slowly, he pressed a soft kiss to Jersey’s lips and smiled when Jersey flicked his lower lip with his tongue.
Someone cleared their throat nearby.
Startled, they both looked over to see Nick standing a distance away, looking slightly uncomfortable and beyond haggard. He had dark circles under his glassy blue eyes and his normally confident posture was stooped, making him look older and run down. His black hair was standing up in all directions and his clothes were rumpled. He looked awful. They must have been lost in their own little bubble not to have noticed the other man approaching.
Travis pulled Jersey into his side. “Nick.”
“Travis,” Nick greeted gruffly, his hands in his pockets.
“This is Jersey,” Travis replied, not releasing his boyfriend, though Jersey made no move to approach the other man either.
Nick nodded. “Did Cory call you?”
“Of course he did. You can’t expect him to be comfortable being around you right now. Frankly, if I were him, I wouldn’t even have agreed to meet up with you. You’ve been nothing but a jerk to both of them since Cory first introduced Josh to everyone.”
“Look, I know things have been bad and I know I’ve been a jerk. I’m sorry, okay? That’s why I asked them to meet me for lunch. I know they’re married now and it will be one of the biggest regrets of my life that I wasn’t there for my best friend’s wedding. I’ve missed what was probably the most important thing in his life.” Nick sighed and looked away. He shuffled his feet and when he looked back at Travis, Travis could see the sorrow and regret written all over his face. Travis squeezed Jersey’s shoulders, and apparently, his boyfriend knew what needed to be done. They separated and Travis went over to Nick and wrapped him up in a hug. Jersey moved off to the side, giving them some space.
Nick was a couple of inches taller than Travis, but his hunched shoulders had him feeling small in Travis’s arms. He returned the hug, however, straightening up and holding on tightly. It seemed he’d needed the hug more than Travis would have figured.
Clearing his throat, Nick pulled away and ran a hand over his eyes. “God, the last two months have been so shitty for me. Not that I didn’t deserve what I was getting, but everyone basically shut me out. When I should have just been happy for my best friend that he was so happy, I was nothing but a dick. I’m so pissed and angry with myself for turning something that should have been so awesome into this shit storm. I mean, we’ve been best friends for years and just because I’m all of a sudden questioning myself, that doesn’t mean I should have treated Cory like crap. God, and Josh? He’s going to hate me forever. He was hysterical at prom and all because of me. I should have respected what Cory kept telling me, but instead, I put them in the shittiest situation and ruined their night and all their memories.” Nick was pacing around the small area outside the entrance to the restaurant, running his hands through his hair. He was upset and frustrated and clearly remorseful.
“Travis,” Nick sighed, stopping his loop and looking over at him. “I was such an ass to him, to both of them. How can I ever apologize enough for how I’ve treated them? What can I possibly say to undo all the awful things I did. I hate that we’re not talking. It feels so weird and wrong, and I miss him like crazy and not just because I’m questioning myself, but because he’s my best friend. I don’t want to go off to school in the fall with him hating me and all of this shit between us.”
“Are you done yet?” Both Nick and Travis startled as Cory’s voice caught their attention. He and Josh we holding hands and standing just outside the restaurant door. “We saw you walk up and when you guys started talking and Travis hugged you, we figured we’d come see what was going on.”
Jersey came over then and threaded his fingers with Travis’s, giving them a small squeeze of reassurance. They all looked over at Cory, waiting to see what more he would add. Cory wasn’t known for keeping quiet if the situation upset him. Travis had witnessed a couple of rather bold confrontations come from the man and had to give him props for holding his own. He didn’t take any crap, even though he was on the smaller side, stature-wise.
“Is all of that true?” Cory questioned, looking back at Nick.
Nick swallowed, suddenly looking much more nervous than he had a few moments ago. “Of course it’s true, Cory. I’ve hated myself for weeks for how all this has gone down.” He looked away and pressed his hand to his forehead, then passed it through his disheveled black hair. Looking back at Cory and Josh, he spoke again, “I know I’ve said before that I’m sorry, and I am. I couldn’t be sorrier for how I’ve treated you both. Neither of you deserved to be treated the way I treated you, Cory, because you’re my best friend, and, Josh, because you’re the most important person in his life and I never even took the chance to get to know you. I’ve missed the most important time in your life and I’ll never forgive myself for that. Just because I’m questioning my own feelings, that didn’t give me the right to push all that onto you guys.” He paused, looking away.
“I still remember prom and how I got so upset with you, Cory, that I basically kidnapped you. God, what was I thinking? I should have listened to you and respected what you were saying, but instead, I pulled you away and freaked everyone out. I literally made you pass out from being afraid of me.” He shook his head and drove the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I can still see Josh’s face; his look of complete panic, and I’ll never forgive myself for being the one to put it there. I had no right to force myself on you like that, Cory. So whether I’m questioning myself and my sexuality or not, and whether I think I might like you, none of that matters, because you were meant for Josh and I should have accepted that and been happy for you.”
Several people exited the restaurant then and their little group moved over to the side again, to be farther out of the way. The change must have jarred Nick back to reality. He looked between Josh and Cory and regret, defeat, and sadness shone out of his features.
“I’m so sorry. I can’t believe that four years of amazing friendship has come down to this. I will regret the last two months for the rest of my life. I hope one day you guys can forgive me.” With one last heartbreaking look at Cory, he turned and walked away, leaving their small group staring at his retreating form.
No one spoke for a minute as they watched him climb into his car and drive away, then Josh pulled Cory into his arms and hugged him.
“You okay?” Josh asked quietly to the side of Cory’s head.
Cory nodded but didn’t respond right away.
“You still wanna eat?” Josh asked when Cory remained silent.
He shook his head and turned his face into Josh’s neck.
“Josh, why don’t you take Cory home. We’ll take care of everything here,” Jersey said from beside Travis. Travis looked at his boyfriend and squeezed his fingers, glad they could offer a reprieve for their friends.
Josh looked back at Jersey with gratitude and nodded. “Thanks, you guys. We’ll talk again soon.” He repositioned his husband with his arm over Cory’s shoulders and they left the same way Nick had just gone.
Jersey let go of Travis’s hand and wrapped his arm behind his back, leaning against him. “That was kind of rough, huh? I mean, I was totally hating that guy and I’d never even met him, but he seems like a wreck. Not that that excuses any of what he did, but he looked rough. He’s obviously hating himself right now.”
Travis nodded, not really finding any words for the moment either.
Jersey looked up at him and moved around, hugging Travis securely. Travis rested his cheek against the soft brown hair of Jersey’s head and just took a moment’s comfort from his guy. He wasn’t sure why Nick’s confession and state of being affected him so much. None of what had gone down really involved him, but just seeing his friend so beat up and full of self-loathing, brought the moment into sharper focus. Travis had dismissed the idea that Nick had been suffering throughout any of what had transpired and had maintained that he’d been the one at fault. Which technically, he was,
but there was more going on than Nick just simply being an asshole.
Travis sighed. “Let’s go inside and have some lunch, huh? At least someone should go eat something.”
Jersey pulled back. “You okay?”
“Yeah. That just hit home for some reason, you know? He’s really a mess. Maybe I should call him in a few days just to check in.”
“That sounds like a pretty good idea. Nick seems like he’s in a bad place and could at least use a shoulder for support.”
Nodding, Travis leaned down and kissed Jersey softly. “Thank you.”
Jersey smiled and grabbed his hand. He pulled Travis along to the door and they took over Cory and Josh’s table. Jersey tried to lighten the mood with conversation about learning more sign language and asked questions about the other kids at the daycare and what their needs were. Travis was grateful to get his mind off such heavy topics and switch gears to lighter things. It seemed lately, everything was weighed down with too much drama or uncertainty. Cheeseburgers and fries were pretty good at alleviating the problems of the world. And when Jersey suggested they round off their meal with milkshakes, Travis kissed him, right then and there, happy to be sharing time with his person.
-IX-
The following week, Travis worked three days in a row, and his Sunday shift had been his first eight-hour day. He’d seen Jersey either before or after work those days and Jersey’d come over for the fourth of July to do fireworks with Travis’s family. But, with summer heat in full swing, Jersey had offered up his house for a barbecue and pool party for the upcoming weekend.
On Thursday, Travis followed Jersey down the aisle of the supermarket, checking items off the list as Jersey grabbed what they needed for the party.
“Should we get soda or juice?” Jersey called over his shoulder as they walked down the soda aisle.